With sincere thanks to XYZZZZ, who has kindly allowed me to reproduce this here.
Nancy: Tonight I would like to welcome Patsy, Pattie sorry Pat Brown to our show. Prat sorry Pat has been to Portugal to find the truth of what happened to Madeleine McCann, Welcome Pr.. Pat.
Pat: Thank you Nancy, I do admire you, I so wish I could be like you..
Nancy: Well Algarve 123 said you went with a metal detector and spade..
Pat: Well this is the problem you see Nance, Portugal have such terrible problems with internet and telephone and of course the language barrier but from what I gathered Gonc had lost a fridge or some "sheet metal".... you know what that poor guy has only one shirt, I have heard about ex's taking the shirt of your back but old Soph took the bloody lot except the blue one he was wearing. There again, who can blame her, not many women like brute.
Nancy: So did you manage to find his sheet metal.
Pat: Well after my layover with another twat called Bennett.... god I do pick them don't I Nance... after getting over him trying to lull me into being a witness of some sort when I got to Portgual I found how bad their internet and phones really were.
Nancy: Carry on Pat.. this sounds interesting..
Pat: There I was trying to get through this lingo lark, and trying to smile as I thought "WTF are you on about?" when he suddenly produced by Proflling of Serial Killers and my e-book that the McCanns made Amazon get rid of..
Nancy: Was he impressed by your research...
Pat: Well not really, you see eventually on my final day he mastered what he was trying to say to me at the airport as I was just about to wave those suckers.. sorry nice people who paid my board and lodge, goodbye.. he shouted.... "Pat," whilst waving my books in the air, "Shite material".
Nancy: Oh so you took the metal detector for nothing...
Pat: Yes
Nancy: That must have been a real shock?
Pat: Not as much as I had trying to re-enter Baltimore Aiport... Homeland security aren't that friendly when people try to enter the US with spades.
Nancy: Oh no Pat, are you OK.
Pat: Well I won't be if my appearance at Balitmore County Court doesn't go as Anne Bremner said it would.. I do hope she lays off the bottle that day. We can't have two drama queens in court.
Nancy: Any plans for the future Pat?
Pat: Well if I am not sued by the McCanns and if I am not inside for bringing in spades to the US, I think I will stick to the Amercian Cases... must dash Nance got to read up and find me another money spinner... sorry meant to say got to read up on what has happened... Bye Nance
Nancy: Ladies and Gentlemen that was Pat Brown making another complete twat of herself... thank god this time it was in Portugal.
