THE ANTI-McCANN DICTIONARY

The English language is a peculiar thing. Though the universal choice of airlines, academics and other notable figures, it is none-the-less capable of being misunderstood by those who are not native to our shores. But what you may not know is that there are some residents of our own country who have taken our native tongue, and managed to create an alternative version of English. And it isn’t the complicated phraseology they have mangled. No, ordinary, everyday words, on the dark side of the internet, have been given whole new meanings, interpretations few would have ever thought possible.

Some years ago, myself and some other True Madeleine Supporters compiled a dictionary of these terms, and I still have it saved on my computer. So then, to enable the casual reader to translate this ‘other’ English, I present here a dictionary of the terms and phrases used by those who we refer to as the anti-Madeleines, and who the public know as vile trolls.

Anti-Madeleine, Anti, A.M. – noun

Internet (sometimes RL) mentalist who gambles the fate of young children on the barking of dogs.

Glossary of terms used by the above——-

Fridge.

Domestic appliance used for the storage of frozen food, e.g. peas, carrots, Aunt Bessie’s Yorkshire puddings and, at a pinch, can be used to hide small children, particularly dead ones.  

Tick-Tock.

A clock-like auditory hallucination often experienced by Anti-Madeleine’s due to the delusion that everyone else is a mentalist.

Tide is turning.

Visual hallucination often accompanying the Tick-Tock.

Truth and Justice.

Persecuting the parents of missing children.

The voice of Madeleine.

A catch-all term used to legitimize the persecution of two victims of crime by a disparate group of paedophiles, murderers, social failures and mental cripples.

Beyond belief/beggars belief.

clear as a bell to everyone else except an A.M. (see above)

Dogs don’t lie.

A regularly used phrase to denote an A.M.’s desire to see a canine judiciary come to pass.

Incorruptible.

See Corrupt

Free speech.

An anti’s desire to see only their opinion being preached.

(See Joanna Morais, Ambersuz, Jill Havern, Sonia Poulton.)

I mean, my god.

A randomly punctuated pronounced denoting wonder, shock or dismay expressed (see belch) when it turns out sauce for the goose cuts both ways.

Frequently invoked under the influence of alcohol.

 Team McCann (McScam, McScum et variants)

A vast conspiracy involving two parents of a missing child, several sexually promiscuous acquaintances, possibly as many as three national political parties in the UK, all media in the UK (except Brunty from time to time), several celebrities, capitalists and members of the Royal Family. More formally, the term delusion, in psychiatry, has the exact same meaning.

I am seeking justice for Maddie.

I am a) a shut-in b) a cranky pensioner c) mentally disturbed d) developmentally delayed e) jobless or f) all of the above.

The McCann’s are getting worried.

a) 2 +2 = 5

or

b) I am getting worried.

I’m talking to you, Clarrie!

Transference of a feeling of worthlessness, futility and inconsequence, based in reality, largely linked to socio-economic status, manifesting as a belief a media spokesperson is a) aware of the author and b) takes the author seriously.

Dogs don’t lie.

The mistaken belief that dogs could lie if they wanted to, applied in a futile attempt to a) avoid reasoned argument and established fact and b) replicate it.

Proper Dad (variants: Proper Mum, Parent, Gran, Derelict, Recidivist etc.)

A self-assigned style and title, employed in a failed attempt to bring moral superiority to bear. Substantiating data typically absent.

The3Arguidos (.com, .org, .net, .gone)

Discredited, dismantled cyber-Hades for e-Miserables.

It’s just my opinion.

Preface to a sentence (or something resembling a sentence) that translated into truthful English means ‘Pardon me while I libel with abandon’.

I am entitled to my opinion, it’s still a free country for now.

As above, translates truthfully as ‘yes I know what I just posted violates every written and implicit law of libel, decency and reason known to man.’

ice-cream cone.

A sex toy.

XXX are playing a blinder.

An exclamation of approval for institutions that do nothing to help bring justice for Madeleine and her family.

E.g. Portimao PJ.

Dog.

In non anti-world, Canis lupus familiaris, a domesticated relative of the wolf.  

In anti world.

1. Keepers of the ultimate truth.

2. A plausible receptacle for the disposal of bodies.

3. Desirable replacement for agents of the judiciary.  

An Anti Belch.

A self-righteous, morally superior rant that attempts to justify persecuting parents of missing children.

(An often used variant is a Brant from a portamanteau formed of the initials of the prominent B antis and the word rant.)

WARNING

Anti Belches and Brants can induce comas.

B Antis.

A specific Species of Anti with the initial B, characterized by verbosity, nastiness, lack of reason, lack of compassion, inflated egos and the ability to induce coma-inducing ennui through the use of Brants.

Prominent B antis are Blacksmith and Bennett.

fridge magnet.

Considered by most to be a kitschy, cheap impulse purchase, the fridge magnet also serves as the symbol of the highest honour bestowed by the Order of the Anti-Madeleine’s. Less desirable than an Oscar, Nobel Prize or finding 20p in the street, but admittedly outranks a manslaughter conviction.

criminal conviction.

not got one = bad; got one = come have a cuddle.

 
Mr, Sr, etc.

Honorific prefix is the AM equivalent of drinking someone’s bathwater.

“I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer” and similar variants

Cry for affirmation. Seven years and tick-tocking.

“Out on the lash leaving three infants in the dark of night for hours on end”

Measure of time in alternate universe.  

Lunch.

Investigative technique employed by the Portimao PJ.  

Rich.

Able to afford low season package holiday at two+ star resort.

Swingers.

Any group of married couples travelling with children.

 Volcano.

Plausible location for disposal of bodies
(The presence or dormancy of actual volcanoes is arbitrary in ascertaining plausibility.)  

Tapas.

An evening meal consisting of fourteen bottles of wine over several hours no matter what anybody says

Coloboma.

A condition affecting the appearance of the human eye, indicating autism, hiccups, stuttering, dandruff and age-inappropriate taste in cosmetics in children conceived via extramarital test tube IVF in Belgium.

Metric System.

A stealth plot to destroy all that is great about this country and ultimately replace Queen Victoria with Queen Elton John, a known wicked sodomite.

 Neck.

Imaginary part of the body that distinguishes head from the torso.  

Blog.

Alternative therapy with no bill and no therapist. Generally regarded as an ineffective treatment, leading to hysteria, poor grammar, and shagging really fat guys.  

Embalming.

Fun for the whole family, this easily accomplished process preserves corpses in the comfort of your own home or holiday flat, and never more so than when you’ve been out on the lash drinking fourteen bottles of wine for hours and have a few minutes to spare between finding your child missing and ringing what passes for the local police. Schedule permitting, the subject may be stored in an adjacent fridge (no magnets, please) should undertaking the process be more convenient with half the world’s media on your doorstep.

Sand.

A tissue preservative of efficacy recognized to an extent that it is used by licensed funeral practitioners nowhere.

“F**k the McCanns”

Auditory distortion of a Portuguese ex-cop, leading to the following interpretations:

1. Good luck to the McCann’s

2. Ask the McCann’s.  

 Racism.

Criticism of Portugal, its police, its dining customs, and/or its dust.

Evidence.

Speculation without any measurable quantity.

 60 Reasons Why Madeleine McCann was Not Abducted Or Some Such.

A must-read in certain legal chambers, this work of fiction was brought to market by the Kitchen Table Publishing House, yet rejected by several local libraries. Also translated into German, coincidentally the language in which another unforgettable piece of fiction, Mein Kampf, was published.

Mod Mansion.

Similar in character to the goings on at the fictional Southfork of Dallas fame, this secret cyber coven was littered with trip hazards in the form of Skype boxes. Derelict since the demise of The3Argudios.net/com/org/fu, it has yet to attract the attention of English Heritage or The National Trust.

Done.

Improper usage form of the common English verb ‘do’. It can be used as an auxiliary and a main verb, as in “Yes, I done wrong, but my god, lets forget about that.” It is often used in questions as in “My OH asks me why I have the time to done all this but why I don’t got no time to get no house work done like move the bin to the front garden where it is suppose to be?”  

Getting drunk.

Usually involves the imbibing of copious amounts of alcohol. In la-la land however, you can get drunk on less than two glasses of white wine.  

Oscar.

An award, given at a lavish ceremony, to a deserving actor or actress who, after years of perfecting their art, are deemed to be at the peak of their profession. Sometimes also given to ordinary people who have never starred in any movie production in their life, but qualify by virtue of being the victims of a crime.

 Chimp.

Term of endearment often used by A.M’s to describe intelligent, compassionate, humorous posters.

Troll.

Term used by A.M.’s to shut down all debate whenever a “Pro” appears on a forum to dispute myths and lies.

Expert.

Usually used to denote a failed solicitor, corrupt policeman or wannabe anything they are not, with an opinion etc that is totally ridiculous. Not to be confused with real Experts who do not spend their time on facebook/twitter/forums.

Proof.

Usually means some gratuitous made-up stupidity the poster wishes the reader to believe, involving far-out ideas that, under scrutiny are shown to be just about as daft as the moon being made of salami. Not to be confused with the real thing.

 Quotes.

Invariably results from someone ‘talks’ to a policeman/politician/journalist, the results of that being then embellished, distorted and posted up as gospel truth. Pass.

Newbie’s.

Term used to describe new posters on a forum, used by TB to express his superiority and inflate his own ego.

 Gut.

The digestive system by which ingested food (see Tapas) is acted upon by physical and chemical means to provide the body with nutrients it can absorb and to excrete waste products; in mammals the system includes the alimentary canal extending from the mouth to the anus. Appropriately, often the chief decision making organ for the Anti-Madeleine who literature shows will typically state “My gut tells me….” and rarely state “My brain tells me…”

“I have just got off the phone to my friend in XXXX”

I am lonely and insignificant.  

Guilt.

Official legal status of an individual which can only be determined by reading newspaper articles and the brants of A.M.s on forums.

Official real life judicial rulings are not permitted.

“I am here for justice.”

I am lonely, nasty and significant.

Paedophile.

A person, usually though not exclusively male, who has a severe sexual perversion which compels them to seek sexual intercourse with young children. In normal society such individuals are reviled and despised. In Anti-Madeleine land however, these individuals are revered and admired. Paedophiles are welcomed as honoured guests into their forums, and in real life must be protected at all costs.  

Pinkie.

Clarence Mitchell, the spokesman the McCann’s were forced to employ to counter the web of lies, deceit and disinformation bandied about by the anti-Madeleine’s.

Pink spin.

The rebuttals of the lies put about by people desperate to stop Madeleine being found at any cost.

Reality.

A state of existence not widely known by most Anti-Madeleine’s.

 Empathy.

This word does not appear in any known anti-Madeleine dictionary.

 Sympathy.

Considered a weakness to be stamped out by anti-Madeleine’s.

Mistake.

All anti-Madeleine’s live in a god-like state, and their parenting skills are considered by themselves to be perfect and above reproach. A mistake, error of judgement, or human failure is something an anti-Madeleine is incapable of making.

McCann apologist.

Derogatory name given by anti-Madeleine’s to someone who is more intelligent than themselves, i.e. someone who actually HAS read ALL of the case files, and reached the same logical conclusion that Portugal’s own Attorney General and chief prosecutor reached, that there is no evidence whatsoever to implicate the McCann’s.

 “It’s in the files!”

Some mistranslated or out of context quote that is believed to conclusively prove the McCann’s guilt. The Portuguese Attorney general’s summing up, strangely, does not appear anywhere in these ‘files.’

“The wheels are falling off the McCann’s wagon!”

A psychological form of whistling to keep the spirits up. If repeated often enough, it is believed somehow the phrase will alter the McCann’s fortunes, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Madeleine McCann.

A four year old innocent child, cruelly abducted from her holiday apartment, largely forgotten and ignored by the anti-Madeleine’s.

tony bennett.

See Liar.

Also see
Hypocrite
Mountebank
Coward.

goncalo amaral.

See evil.

Also see
Corrupt,
Crooked,
misogynistic,
Alcoholic,
Thug.

 “I seem to remember,”

Common preamble to outrageous and generally completely fictitious theorising about the contents of a newspaper article which may or may not have ever existed.

*cough*

To smoke weed.

‘Respected poster’

Complete charlatan with overt bullying tendencies but who is nonetheless thought highly of by mods and admin.

“I’m not normally a violent person, but….”

I am a homicidal maniac.

“There’s something funny about those two.”

I have never been a victim of crime in my life, which qualifies me to comment on people who have.

“If they had been working class from a council estate they would have been charged by now.”

I have absolutely no understanding of the law, the workings of social services or the true meaning of neglect, but I bitterly resent he fact that this couple of working class parents have betrayed their roots, worked bloody hard, and made something of their lives, something I am too bloody idle to do for myself.