'TOP TEN HATER CLICHES'

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1529443800612966/?pnref=lhc

Cass Sidebotham
2 hrs · Edited
'TOP TEN HATER CLICHES'
MMDG like to consider ourselves connoisseurs of the anti cliché. Here's a small selection of our faves, for your delight and delectation -
1. 'Dogs Don't Lie'.
Untrue - there was a dog on Dame Esther Rantzen's 'That's Life' that clearly said 'sausages' when *no sausages were present*.
Chris Roberts was similarly taken in by Pudsey.
PROS ISSUE THIS CHALLENGE - we want to see a cadaver dog take a lie detector test on The Jeremy Kyle Show. Then we may believe you.
2. 'Tick tock'.
The sound of David Steel checking his (fake) Rolex on the steps of The Old Bailey, waiting for this autumn's 'trial of the century'.
3. 'The tide is turning'.
Also one of King Neptune's favourites. That went well then.
4. 'Dupers delight'.
Involves involuntary reflex laughter when struck in the face with a balloon.
('Who ate all the') Hobnob's also guilty of this; smiling inanely in her profile pic at the thought of gullible haters taken in by her latest drivel.
5. 'Good people/lovely person'.
Terms of endearment used by one hater troll to another.
Generally people normal folk would cross the road to avoid.
5. 'You're clutching at straws'.
Generic response when it's pointed out Portugese AG concluded there's no evidence or indicia against the McCanns, that they aren't suspects or POI to either current investigation, and Gonzo's just been taken for €500,000 plus interest.
7. Litany of lies
Anti interpretation of Porto anti translations of statements originally translated by Robert Murat (also see: 'Jabberwocky'). Normally includes 'jimmied' windows and non-'whooshing' curtains, as established by Isabelle McBadden using the blind in the loo of her mobile home.
8. Justice for Madeleine
Citizens arrest of the McCanns by man with cock duster moustache using pair of furry handcuffs.
9. Cover up
Involves British and Portuguese governments, Portuguese AG, FSS, MI5, MI6, Peter Andre, and possibly Bear Grylls, all covering for Prince Charles, who was buying pictures of little girls licking lollipops from obscure cardiologist in out of season Portuguese resort.
10. 'Waiting serenely'.
Involves daily two hour sea food lunches with beer, followed by several (Symington) Ports.
Alt: Sweating profusely on appeal outcome
Alt: Not giving a bollocks about appeal outcome, as will be bankrupted by creditors anyway

'BUBBLING UNDER - MORE HATER CLICHES'
11. 'A simple, humble man'
PJGA approved wording for any reference to diamond earring sporting, fancy dan hat wearing, jag driving bent cop. Used whenever Kim Jong Un style displays of affection are demanded by admin.
12. 'There's no evidence of an abduction'
A concern of those who believe abductors usually leave a signed photo or some sort of riddle for Batman to work out.
Alt: A merry tune whistled by postmen on their rounds in Leicestershire.
13. 'McScum/McScam'
Clever punning word play for those with a IQ less than their shoe size. (Also see: 'Andy Deadwood')
Alt: Rumoured new anti fast food restaurant chain.
14. 'It's Him ----->'
Usually accompanies Smith photofit together with photo of Gerry McCann that's identical in all respects other than eyes, eyebrows, hair, nose, lips, and ears.
Never accompanies photo of Pereira Cristóvão who has identical eyes, eyebrows, hair, nose, lips, and ears to Smith photofit, and is currently in custody on charges relating to home invasion.
15. 'Here We Go Again'
Involuntary Tourette's like outburst following news of OG identifying new suspects or persons of interest.
Alt: Instinctive troll defence of suspects suffering from spots, body odour, or wearing a cheap mass produced promotional t-shirt. (Also see: 'empathy')
16. 'Justice Works In Silence'
Gonzo maxim meaning to say nothing on the record whilst leaking like a sieve though Cristóvão's newspaper column and gossiping on any daytime TV sofa he can park his arse on.
Current PJ maxim, translated as "Search us, mate; not a clue".
17. 'The Fraudulent Fund'
A limited company with board of directors, articles of association and audited accounts suspected of fraudulent activity by Chris Roberts who fancies himself as a forensic accountant despite being bankrupt.
Not to be confused with the totally above board and beyond suspicion friends-of-Gonzo's bank account run by unknown Porto trolls in conjunction with Nigeria's Interior Minister for Finance.
18. 'Discredit'
Any attempt to impart the idea that Columbo and Inspector Simoes are fictional characters and the latter may not have said "the McCanns are going down lol" during midnight transatlantic telephone conversation with raddled Cali coke-head.
Alt: Pointing out that Pat Brown's only success as a criminal profiler has been taking in a murderer as her lodger. (Also see: 'red flag')
19. 'Death Dossier'
The lethal act of compiling a troll's own words. These are frequently so toxic that a radiation suite must be used and special protective clothing worn. Waste tweets should be stored in suitable Perspex safety boxes. Once compiled, all responsibility for these words mysteriously passes to the compiler.
20. 'Red Flag'
A song sung by elderly anti harpies at Jeremy Corbyn rallies and in Costa Coffee after inquests.